Tuesday, December 14, 2010

endure. . .

I've been seeing the following word quite a bit lately: Endure.

With each sight of this word, my heart draws strength from somewhere deep within. It's a battle. Yes, it's a battle. My Maker never said it would be otherwise. He knew the nights of my tears; He knew the cries of anguish that would burden my heart and try to keep me from moving. All in all, I find this to be greatly comforting. More than anything, really. . .my God knows me. He holds me. He is enough for me.

Sure, there are days when He doesn't seem to be enough. There are days when I doubt that He is even with me. There are days when I am weary of fighting anymore. There are days when all I can do is look about me and declare hopelessness and love as being completely lost upon me.

But in the midst of these days. All of my days: He is faithful. Yes, He is always faithful.

My Mom has a quote on the refrigerator that reads: If you believe your God is enough, then you'll always have enough, because you'll always have God.

At times, I forget this. I say He is enough in my mind, but fail to believe it in my heart. Loneliness creeps in and tempts to overtake my heart and rob me of my faith. Doubts settle and tell me that there is something wrong with who I am, and that is why to this day, at twenty-three I still have yet to experience a date, a boyfriend, a hand holding my own. With the doubts and loneliness come the tears and fears, the blurred vision of seeing my Father reach out His hand to me and beckon me home. It is in these moments, that I lose sight that He is enough. It is in these moments, that I feel completely and utterly alone... Where is my Maker? Why has He left me?

Where is my Maker?

He is right beside me. He has tears in His eyes and He is whispering, "Beloved daughter, I am here, why can't you see me? I am enough for you. Trust me. It is enough. You are enough. So won't you endure. I'll endure it with you."

Maybe you need to hear these words tonight. Maybe you don't, maybe everything is fine, you have hopeful eyes and a joy brimming within your heart. Maybe you need to stow them away to read again, when you are facing the desert. Wherever you are, I pray that you know that You are never too far out of His reach. That you are known and dearly loved.

Dearheart, endure. You are not alone. You will never walk alone. I am enough for you.

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