Friday, November 26, 2010

A Maker's Love

I stumbled upon this beautiful post written by Jamie, TWLOHA, yesterday and I felt compelled to share it. It's so fitting for where I am and where I have been and I can't help but think that maybe, you need to read these words too. So here you are:

"I wonder if it's possible to get to a place of being thankful for your story, for the dreams that feel fractured, for things we loved but lost. I wonder if it's possible to get to a place of believing that we are shaped by all of it, that we are stronger and wiser for what we've walked through. What if the things that ended - the things that broke and break your heart - what if it was the end of a chapter but the story keeps going? What if life comes back? What if love comes back? What if you would not be who you are and you would not know what you know if not for all those sleepless nights?

I'm starting to believe those things, that the best is yet to be, that life comes back, that the dreams that live inside me are there for a reason, that life is not just a tragedy, not just a story about losing. It is also a story of surprises and grace and hope coming back, of conversations and moments that feel like miracles.

I share this quote every night on stage but it's taken on a new meaning lately. I've been reflecting on it off stage, sharing it with friends and believing it more than ever.

"I suppose that since most of our hurt happens in relationships, so will our healing, and I know that grace rarely makes sense to those looking in from the outside."

- The Shack by Paul Young

I should probably be falling asleep before the work morning comes all too soon, but I have words on my heart that are begging to be written and be acknowledged. This Thanksgiving was the first Holiday without tears in four long heart-wrenching years. The first Holiday where I could relish in the quaint simplicity my sweet family offers, spent in laughter and joy, rather than worry and pain. I struggle with Holidays and have since my Grandfather left us a week after Christmas when I was a junior in high school.

They have always had loss attached to them since then. . . A story that will be left unspoken, until another time. Yet, this Thanksgiving it was almost as though God was wanting me to see what the Holidays could be, the joy that most every one associates with just mere talk of the time of year. . . And since this will probably be my last Thanksgiving with my family before I am off to pursue this life He has set me apart for . . . He created memories that I could look back upon fondly, memories that would spur me to keep moving in the days of coming loneliness as I embark on my journey.

I have a thankful heart.

A heart that has been told of the secret of love. A heart that has been told that on the days of sorrow and pure joy my Maker is always enough. A heart that has been revived and reminded that there is hope, ever still. A heart that is akin to loss, love, pain and joy. A heart that can reckon that each and every moment of my life was orchestrated and apart of His good and perfect plan.

I have a thankful heart today. Sure, there were days when I felt that You surely had left me, but now I see You were just as present then, as You are now. Thank You, for tearing down the walls of my heart. Thank You, for Your beautiful people who have poured themselves into my life. Thank You, for my dear family. Thank You, that there is still four of us. Thank You, for pain. Thank You, for LOVE.

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