"it is only with the heart that one can see rightly."
What makes the desert beautiful," said the little prince, "is that it hides a well somewhere..."
I have been living in the desert for awhile. I have been walking alone for awhile. Hope has been lost some, along the way, but no matter how much pain I was bearing...I've kept moving. I've faintly kept searching. . .
These past couple of weeks, God has brought my friends to my home, not once, but twice. Not just one, but five in just a matter of weeks. I can't rightly find the words to depict the gratitude that rests upon my heart for receiving the gift of being, with people I love the most, people who know the real me. People who see my tears, before they even begin to fall.
It's a beautiful reminder, it's the hidden well-that my heart has been longing to stumble upon. It's the place of rest, refuge, my soul needed-was crying out to find. My God knew that this time of my life would be one of reckoning, unthinkable heartache, dire weakness. My God knew that my heart would be spent with tears, before their arrival and on after. My God knew that this would be a time of acknowledging the wound, and fighting to move forward, to one day, soon... to get there... where my heart needs to be. He knew that being with those I love would replenish the lost hope, speak life into my weakening spirit, would be more than enough.
Days were spent in laughter and nearing tears, a searched car, Goodwills, all-nighters, Oscars, imitations, a jam-packed car, weeding out the temporal belongings, mastering the art of packing, discovering music, local eateries, taking pictures, sitting in company over coffee, talking of the deeper and simpler.
I'll always remember seeing four faces and hearing their screams of joy at my door. I'll always remember what God has done for me, and thank Him for what He has yet to do. In the coming days, changes will be occurring, but even still, I will carry you with me.
I wouldn't have been able to stay at CBC- had you not been in my life. I wouldn't have been able to venture past this fresh heartache, begun the walk into healing- had you not been in my life. I wouldn't have 58+ empty hangers, the ability to release everything material, hold things loosely- had you not been here.
It's such a blessing. Friendship. I often forget how much so. Cause I allot myself the excuse of hiding out, more often that not. So with these two visits God has shown me that it's okay to need friendship. He has shown me that I need friendship.
Thank you for being used by Him, traveling all this way to keep me company-preparing my heart for what soon awaits me.
Sure, things may not be the same. We don't call the dorm home anymore, we aren't walking distance away. We have work keeping us occupied, we have countries on our hearts, love in our hands. We have surpassed those glory days of staying up late and the many bouts of Gilmore. We have nations to reach, families to keep, passions to find.
Yet, we have each other. We can look forward with hope, without living in the past. We can hold all things loosely, because He holds everything together. We can be still, because He is with us.
So when phone calls are few and far between, when hope seems to hard to hold onto, when you are standing in the desert-in search of your hidden well. Remember that I am here for you, that I keep you in my prayers, carry you with me. When the strength is lacking and weakness is robbing your heart of any peace, look up to Your Maker, with your honest heart. Tell yourself, that He is all you need. He is your hiding place, your single rose, a little water, your ray of light. Because He is faithful. His love never fails, and you, you are His beloved.
"People where you live," the little prince said, "grow five thousand roses in one garden... yet they don't find what they're looking for..."
"They don't find it," I answered.
"And yet what they're looking for could be found in a single rose, or a little water..."
"Of course," I answered.
And the little prince added, "But eyes are blind. You have to look with the heart."