Friday, March 4, 2011

In light of it all, I belong.

Part One:

So I have reached the goodbye state again, it's a state that I have known all too well in my life. And as always, it gives brings a new perspective to light- about what I am leaving behind and what I am venturing toward.

Today was my last day at the Goodwill...and yes, I have said that over and over, so many times that I can't even count the times that I have quit, only to come back. In fact, this time I just said: "I am not saying I won't be back, just in case."

Although, I have to tell you that today will be stowed away as one of my most beautiful memories, whether it is the last time I will grace the Goodwill as home again, or become an outsider, merely a visiter.

I was graced with a beautiful last day at my beloved Goodwill: cards, hugs, a chocolate cake, sweet company, love and much laughter.

God opened my eyes to see that He has used me. I have been broached with many questioning eyes, as to why I have returned in the past. People that just assume since you graduate, surely you will move on from the life of retail. I'll admit with those questions, my heart has been taken a back, every single time. I have felt not good enough. I have felt weak and helpless.

Yet, all of those saddening thoughts were gently replenished, with all things good. Today, God picked me up from those falls, He graced those wounds with His healing presence. He brought to light that I was doing something good, I was doing something for Him. The smallest of things were noticed, and I received an abundant amount of love to send me off.

I was able to eat cake and reminisce. I was able to trade Bible stories for Eminem lyrics. I was able to enjoy the people, that I was given to love. I was able to be love and feel loved. I was reminded that I will always have a home. I was given the chance to see that there was a purpose in this time of waiting, spent hanging clothes, calling the Goodwill home.

So with this, I remind you, that wherever you are, God is using you. You might not see it until you leave, but just trust it. Believe it. Otherwise it's easy to choose misery, to claim you aren't good enough, because you haven't made it in their judging eyes. With this being said, it's my prayer, that you will experience this kind of love often, because it, in itself, is truly healing.

Part Two:

I am beginning to see the crossroads, that awaits me. With the help of my friends, I was able to rid myself of the "accumulating addiction of things." Useless things. I garnered the courage to truly begin to hold all things loosely, in light of the kingdom.

Empty hangers, a floor completely covered in clothing, bags, hats, shoes and jewelry. I was able to release them. My heart has finally come to the realization that they don't have a hold on me anymore. My heart has finally realized that with God I am brave enough to release-not just tangible things, but people. Because it's all out of my hands.

I haven't reached the destination, I won't until I am sitting side by side with my Beautiful Maker, but I can truly sing with all of my heart- "take my heart, take all that I am." Whatever He needs me to rid myself of, I am full of readiness to give it all, to go.

"I mean, yeah, it's big. It's colossal. But I get it. I belong right where I am. That's an amazing feeling."

I smiled. "But you always seem that way. You always have. Like wherever you are, you're at home."

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