Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Heavily Burdened

her feet want to pick up the pace, and follow her heart
there has been a wait here, but everything within just wants to set out, to start-
to unfold the beginnings of a journey unknown,
to bask in the glory of it all, that You long to be shown
to reunite with the part of her that has been lost,
no matter how great the cost.

it's a struggle and a daily fight,
the days seem to be getting closer and more in sight...
but there are still bits and pieces that need to be refined,
and it's all she can do to be in the moment, because Mexico may be out of sight, but it never has been out of mind.

there's a constant pull to run home,
there's a constant pull to cease to roam,
there's a constant reel of images, keeping her company,
there's a constant longing to just be-
to be apart of something bigger and grand...
to take part in everything, that You have perfectly planned.

the routine and the lists must have her attention,
but it is getting harder these days, to even give them an honorable mention.
when the brown-eyed beauties are holding her heart,
despite the distance, and them, being so far apart.
when she is lost in the comforts of her memories,
and they, become all she sees.

she is waiting, but there's a readiness within her, more than ever before,
there's a longing to move home and see everything that You have in store.
to reach for the hands of the beautiful deep chocolate-eyed children,
to pick up their pieces and carry them.
to hold the mothers, who feel lost and all alone,
to remind them that they are not their own.

for that day when her heart can rest in knowing that she is there to stay,
without having to prepare herself for the visit's final day...

For that day, when her feet and her heart are finally, in the same place.

Today is one, where I feel that nothing is accomplished, where I have been lost in the memories and the hopes of tomorrow. I just can't gather the courage and the fight to finish what has been set before me. The idea of having three essays and three tests in front of me no longer seems to be a feasible feat, but instead scares me. Yes, it scares me. Three essays and three tests scare this college graduate into an abyss of avoidance. So I willingly choose to come here, to this haven of mine, rather than sitting down and telling myself that it can and will be accomplished. Today. It can and will be accomplished today.

I'm a mess, I tell you. An absolute mess. And there are days, when I can put up quite the disguise, but today had you been around me...I think you would have been able to tell otherwise. I just take more on these days, rather than let things go. I fear complacency in one place, so I choose to take on something else simultaneously. I have moments when I feel courageous, and then I feel weakened and empty to the very core. Two jobs and two classes are getting the best of me....

Because there is a dire readiness in my heart and soul that just wants to go home, to get the field that stole a piece of my heart, eight years ago. To get there, always looking up, without looking back...

A veces te fallé, mas tú fuiste fiel,
Tu gracia me levantó, me basta tu amor,

Dios eterno, tu luz por siempre brillará
Y tu gloria, incomparable sin final.

No comments:

Post a Comment