This hurts

I am lost in a sea of thoughts and I can't help but come back here and post something into oblivion, just for the fact of having company. It's been a long while since I have felt close to my Maker, my beautiful Savior. And in light of all that has happened these past few days. I have had to cling to Him.

And in a matter of seconds, it's all I can do to just keep breathing. I feel as though my heart was just ripped out of my chest with seeing those words. Shattered. Into a tiny million pieces. The walls that were held up behind clenched fists were let down, a heart bare for all to see, and now look at what has become of me?

I've fallen into a heap of tears. What hurts me the most, is knowing that you are hurting all the more. It's knowing that the pain I feel is nothing compared to where you are. It's knowing that you deserve this and so much more, but no words, nothing I can do will ever open your eyes to see it. It's knowing that you aren't alone, but the enemy is doing all he can to make you think so.

And you know what? I'll keep fighting, even if it's all I can do to keep breathing. Because you're worth it. You've always been and always will be. You are more than this. YOU ARE MORE.

I am crying. I am hurting. I am in the state, where words, they just fail me. So I pray that God becomes my everything, because only then will I have the strength to walk through this again. Only then, will I be able to keep speaking up, even in the moments you don't want to hear it. Only then, will I be able to remember that in such moments it's not you talking and fight back.

I am fighting for you and He is too. When I am tired and weary, I won't stop. I won't. I can't. No matter how much it hurts, I am in this. I will not lose heart; He will see me through. I am not giving up on you. We are not giving up on you.