Some say, "Time is an illusion." The decision is made to: Eat Pray Love.

Yesterday, needs to be remembered. So tonight's entry will give it an honorable mention, because my heart believes it is deserving of such. It all began with a sudden ache, a sudden sense of the overwhelming, a heaviness that kept the tears at bay most of the morning...when I finally got inside my car, I couldn't avoid them any longer. It's hard to identify the cause of the tears; it was all so sudden...a heaviness overcame my wearied heart and the tears began to fall. So rather than reach to my phone on impulse and look to His people for comfort and prayer...I took it to my Maker. I stumbled and rambled at the feet of my Father on my commute home. I looked to Him with my tearful eyes, and told Him of everything amidst wearied sighs.

As I was pouring out my heart, the song from my new CD, seemed undeniably fitting:

6th and green is a warm place in November
When the air is cold and the leaves blow on the ground
And I don't think that I can even remember
Why it was that i came to this town

Because I just want to be lonely tonight
Just me and my maker in this cold moonlight

This is me on the eve of an ending
To what I've known's been constant for a year
And I'm so scared of this pain that I'll be sending
Sometimes I just want to run away in fear

Because I just want to be lonely tonight
Just me and my maker in this cold moonlight

No, I haven't heard your voice in two weeks now
And anticipation's been wearing me thin
And I just can't help but wonderin' baby if somehow
We could tear these pages out and begin again

Because I just want to be lonely tonight
Just me and my maker in this cold moonlight
I just want to be lonely tonight
With no one around to see the sight
Of me lying here

'Cause this is the hardest thing I've ever done before
I said this is the hardest thing I've ever done before
And I don't want to be lonely
But I won't be lonely tonight
Because my maker's holding me

Fast forward a few hours with me, and I was off to meet dear friends for dinner and a movie. Blessed by conversation and just the reminder of friendship caught me off guard and did my heart good.

Eat Pray Love was seen with the girls. Oh, how I loved it. It was beautifully endearing with a woman's desperate search to lose herself in the unfamiliar and undiscovered cultures, a woman's desperate search to rid herself of the desire to love, because of past heartache and the scars they left upon her. Only to find it, and then fight it by running from it. Yet, she stopped running and she ended up in the arms of love.

Quote of the movie: "You have the capacity to love the whole world."

Following the movie, I treated myself to Starbucks and ventured home, and I was blessed with very dear company from afar. All of which, has been stored in my memories. Under lock and key. "Every song you love, every memory you cherish, every moment that has moved you to holy tears has been given to you from the One who has been pursuing you from your first breath in order to win your hearts." Gratitude rests upon my heart when I see that this is all from God, Himself. He loves me this much. To reach out to me on the days when I am heavy hearted...to place people in my life at the precise moment, they are needed. God, Your love, it is beautiful...

I don't feel deserving of this, but I guess that brings me back to see that is the beauty in it. That though I am undeserving, God delights in me, God loves me. For so long I held onto, I clung to "you will never be loved, you are unlovable, you are meant to just be the best friend." And now it seems God is awakening me to see that those were all lies; I once embraced them, instead of Him. I convinced myself that misery was acceptable, and all there was. That isn't the life God had or has for me. He has longed for me to "choose life." Life, not misery. He has longed for me to see that His love is enough...He has longed for me to see that I am worthy of being loved.

"You were wearied by all your ways,

but you would not say, 'It is hopeless.'

You found the renewal of your strength,

and so you did not faint." Isaiah 57:10

So I sit here. I am taking it all in. There is so much to learn. There is so much to love. I am speechless. I am awestruck. The tears are beginning to return. Only this time, there isn't a heaviness. It's almost, like a release. God has proven faithful. The girl that walked out of church and stepped into her car feeling so alone, now sits here reminiscing of her recent company feeling as though she matters, feeling loved...