I have been thinking these past couple of days about beginning to write a list, that details, who I am. A few years ago, a couple weeks even, I don't think I would have had the courage to depict such a thing for any one to see. Because a few weeks ago, I was hindered by the trepidation of being me. I'll admit most days I don't understand what God sees in me, how I could even begin to possess something close to beauty. Yet, it's such a blessing to let myself feel it. And I think that is precisely where God has been at work, tweaking my heart and allowing it to feel again, gently taking me by the hand and saying, "Darling, let me in, give me the key." It is such a beautiful thing, knowing that the Maker of the Universe looks after me, that He hurts for me, that He loves, even me.
So welcome to the journey, as I begin to give up the key, that I have clenched for so very long.
As I begin, to let people truly see me.
1. I have my own dance move, some people call it the Kristen, others have pegged it "clawing the rooftop."
2. I have an outfit for the days, when I feel fat. Yes, all girls have those days. I have a signature outfit that I go to: my beloved Baja tee-shirt and Levi skinny jeans. I am serious, that is my go-to, for such a day.
3. I secretly hope to one day, be surprised by a large group of people in an airport.
4. I love to watch the Olympics. It's almost like I go through withdrawal, with the years in between.
5. I am guilty of claiming to find hope in the fictional world of TV, and movies, alike. For example, "Never Been Kissed, and the dearly loved, "Dawson's Creek."
6. I love to watch sports. You wouldn't think so, I know. I get the crazed weird face, upon admission of this fact, but I LOVE watching football, basketball, soccer, and can tolerate the occasional baseball game.
7. I get stuck with songs, and tend to play them over and over-until eventually they have to be retired.
8. I would like to think that whoever "he" is, if God desires for me to have a 'him' that "he" will love to play with my hair.
9. I tend to venture into hiding, at times, when I feel down. Only to have my computer and a movie for my company.
10. I have come to believe that the truest and deepest of friendships are those that can be still and sit with you in silence.
11. It's hard for me to accept compliments. I think it comes from fear mostly. Fear that they will be taken back or not really meant.
12. I see now that those times when I had everything planned to only fall apart; God had more beautiful things and greater things in mind. I claim those to be some of the greatest times of my life in hindsight.
13. I have crazy hair and I have learned it's okay to let it be.
14. I get in crazy, frantic cleaning moods where I rid myself of useless material goods when I don't want to think about things.
15. I fall in love with movies, through their soundtracks.
16. I like to think that maybe one day, I will be published.
17. Some of the hardest times of my life, are when I can't seem to write. When the words, just don't seem to come to me.
18. I am quite content with my low-key life with venturing to the store and to tan with my Mom. I wouldn't have wanted this summer to be any other way, if I am completely honest. And I know that I feared the loneliness that might show up in my heart. Yet through it all, God drew my Mom and I even closer.
19. I am so sentimental, that I save certain texts and instant messages.
20. I love that God has graced me with many different homes in my life. It's truly a beautiful thing.
21. One of my most treasured memories of all is, the table of misfit toys. Venturing to Brescia University opened my eyes to see the beauty in everyone. To see the joy that could be found in simplicity.
22. It's hard for me to take my bracelets off without a good reason. The only good reason I have found yet, is for a wedding =].
23. Every part of my heart feels at home in the Baja, and I live and keep moving for the someday soon God will take me there, and I won't have to worry about saying goodbye anymore.
24. When this life is all said and done, I hope that it can be said that I lived my life "to be broken and poured all for love's cause, that I loved until there was nothing left of me."
25. I still have my little girl dream that one day, I will have a wedding, where the songs that I have written down can finally be played, and the piece I have tucked away can finally be said.
26. I want a tattoo, and I think that if I wasn't pursuing the mission field, that I would have a sleeve. I love LA Ink, and hearing of the beautiful stories behind such works of art.
27. One dream of mine, is learning how to dance. Sidenote: I'd love to pick up hip-hop.
28. I am chasing after the dream, of one day, being completely fluent in Spanish.
29. I have too much music, but that doesn't seem to stop me from purchasing more.
30. I love airports. With that being said, I love to people watch from afar.
No comments:
Post a Comment