Absence makes the heart grow fonder...

"For June who loved this garden from Joseph who always sat beside her.

Some people do spend their whole lives together."

I found a new song today, "Out Loud," by Dispatch.

Within just a matter of seconds I fell in love with the lyrics:

Would you be the wind to blow me home
Would you be a dream
On the wings of a poem
And if we were walking through a crowd
Well you know I'd be proud

[Chorus:]
If you call my name out loud
Do you suppose that I would come running
Do you suppose I'd come at all
I suppose I would

And if we were walking
Down a dead end street
Would you be the one to let our eyes meet
Or would you just keep on walking
Down to the turn around
'cause you know I'd be proud

[Chorus]

And if I was gone from the land we know
Would be the dawn
And let your beauty still show
And if you were walking
And heard the cold night coming
Would you call my name
'cause you know I'd come running

It's been a tough week; it seems to have taken its' toll on me. I cannot seem to find many words, as I sit here, and delve into my thoughts. My heart has been dealing with scattered worries. Worries of friends that are struggling and hiding behind it all. Worries of never finishing these two Spanish classes, how did I get through a full class load, I wonder? Worries of what may or not come. Worries. Useless worries. Worries, that accomplish nothing...but end up stirring my heart to race and weariness to overcome me. God's in this, and that is truly the only thing has kept me pressing on these past few days. He has proven faithful in the midst of the worries, the wonders, the weariness.

• It is such a blessing to have people in your life that truly, know how you feel, without you saying anything at all: A dear woman mentioned this to me the other day, "You are downhearted and you have a right to be. You are trying to make changes, but nothing seems to be working, no one is showing up." How did she know? I didn't have to say anything at all, this tells me that God knew that is what I needed to hear...

• "Absence makes the heart grow fonder." That quote has stayed with me this entire week..Nostalgia has crept from the corners of my heart and reached out to me. Sure, I have tried to sway my thoughts the other way, but it's been hard these days. It's all so uncertain and there is a wait. I guess tonight is a night, where I am speaking from the part of my heart that is afraid, yet all the more, hopeful.

"Jesus is wild, amazing, unpredictable. He touches people He shouldn't, He weeps with whores and dances with poor people. He heals what is broken. And doesn't talk an awful lot about doctrine. Instead, He talks a lot about faith-the kind that means you step out into the unknown. You are willing to try to love, to give up some of your power, to let go of control. To trust something. To even begin to believe deep down in your guts somewhere what God seems to be saying over and over: It's your willingness to trust something that makes you well. You are enough. It is enough." -Rick Diamond

Startled at all she is feeling within,

the walls upon her heart, they seem to be wearing thin.

All of this, is something she always longed for,

but never thought the day would come for such an open door.

There are hopes that rise and fall, with the beat of her heart,

there are fears in the midst, that she longs would flee and just depart...

Cause these feelings are so hard to ignore,

they've been all the more, gently restored.

So she waits, her soul and her heart, they wait for You,

because You make all things new.

So in this moment, when nostalgia reaches out to hold her hand,

may You give her heart strength, and her feeble knees the courage to stand.

Give this girl reason...

to keep on clinging to this precious, new season.

Help her see,

right where You want her to be.

Give her strength,

to let him in, and not keep him at arm's length.

Direction is needed,

so Your desires might be heeded.

It's all she can do to be still, to hold her heart out in her hands,

for fear she might not be able to withstand...

what You have in mind,

so won't You remind-

her that You are in this,

that her heart isn't something You dismiss.

Her heart matters to You, it's time to step out from behind these walls,

it's time to leave the fears behind her, leave it all.

Perfect love, it casts out all fear...

she knows this, and knows that You are near.

That's what will give her confidence in this unknown,

that, and knowing she isn't alone.

"Somewhere we know that without silence words lose their meaning, that without listening speaking no longer heals, that without distance closeness cannot cure." -Henri Nouwen