One of those days...

I feel like there are so many things I wish to recount here, but maybe it is just one of those days when I need to feel the company of something or someone...and during a workday this is all I can turn to to fulfill such a need. I am weary in every sense of the word. I'm scared to death of losing people. So scared that I have seemed to become paralyzed, rather than becoming proactive to reach out to those I am so afraid of losing. I am scared to death of love. I am scared to death that I will live forever alone. Today is a day of contradictions, and to any who might stumble upon this to read...I am sure that it will be meaningless to you.

These past few days have been difficult, with some bouts of undeniable goodness. There have been beautiful reminders of God being in this, through the lives of my friends-with phone calls, countdowns and just a constancy of love. And then there have been bittersweet dreams, that do nothing for me. Though you are in them, it brings a sweet sadness and this morning was one of those mornings...I couldn't convince myself to wake up, I wanted to hold onto the dream before me.

There has been a weariness these days physically, mentally and emotionally. There have been days that I just couldn't seem to accomplish anything at all, because my thoughts have been wracking any energy, that is left in me.

I guess I am just making that transition that I have always dreamed of, and with it comes, the need to say what needs to be said, the need to retrace the steps back to those days when keeping in touch held utmost importance, the need to be still, while keep moving. The need to wait, even though I want to run out of here... and into my dream.

God can't you see can't you see your children at your feet.
God can't you hear can't you hear, our cries for you to come.
Silent you seem while we wait
in the darkness of our past.
But silent your not find our hearts
Find us comfort find us fast.
We will wait. We will wait God
We will wait. We will wait, God. We Wait.
And with this wait on our chest,
we gather up the breathe to sing this song.
But as one we confess,
we do not have the strength to carry on.
So wait, though we wait we rejoice
in the suffering we all share.
For the stones they've thrown apon us
cause their stones are farther promise we would bear
oh, we will wait
We will wait God.
Come Abba Father, Come let Your light shine down.

-Wait, Caleb Chapman